LAST MINUTE PREAKNESS WAGERING GUIDE
DALE EARNHARDT JR. WILL SMITE HIS ENEMIES

PLAXICO BURRESS = RODNEY DANGERFIELD

By / 05.20.07

New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress left The Bliss, a hot club in Clifton NJ, in a huff last Wednesday night:

Sources say New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress insulted female patrons there and "left the club without paying his $2,000 tab."  It seemed that Burress was upset Wednesday night because "no women were paying any attention to him."

Wow, it's good to see that professional athletes have the same problems as the rest of us.  The times I've reviled ladies at the tavern or stiffed my bartender are too numerous to count.  Of course, the barman knows where I live – he's my uncle, and the only female on the rail when I begin my "You're All Sluts" thesis is my mom.  As I stumble out after my fifteenth Stroh's, she'll call out, "Be careful dear. Don't fall asleep in your clothes again."   

"He didn't even tip his cocktail waitress," said a source, who noted that Burress and his crew "were obviously on the prowl." At one point, said the witness, Plaxico "got up from his VIP table and approached a group of girls at the bar." That's when he propositioned a female patron out of the blue. "She just yelled back, 'You've got the wrong girl,' " relates our witness.

Now that's inexcusable, you must tip your waitress.  A woman is bringing you sweet alcohol, and in this case you must employ the Vincent Antonelli method of monetary gratitude, especially if she's hot.  If anyone ever deserved a tip, it's her.  If I don't have any spare cash on me, I usually give my cocktail waitress my pants.  Especially if she's hot. -KD      


TAGSassholesMISOGYNY IS THINLY VEILED SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONNEW YORK GIANTSNFLPLAXICO BURRESS

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