YOUR WEEKLY CYCLING DOPING SCANDAL
FAT ASIAN ARCHER = ROBIN HOOD

SPOILER ALERT: RAIN

By / 05.27.07

The 91st Indianapolis 500 is currently in a rain delay after 113 laps (282.5 miles) completed.  Because over 100 circuits have been made, Tony Kanaan would be declared the winner if the race cannot be restarted.  Hot rookie Milka Duno crashed in Turn 1 on the 66th lap, and revealed her voice is as melodious as the Chief's maid in the subsequent interview.  (NB: Hit mute when she speaks unless you want to ruin the fantasy.)  As it stands now, the top three places are occupied by members of Andretti Green Racing:

  1. Tony Kanaan
  2. Marco Andretti
  3. Danica Patrick
  4. Vitor Meira
  5. Dario Franchitti

You know what would be entertaining?  How about lovely Milka and Danica shed their Nomex driving suits and perform slip and slide tricks in front of the grandstand just like MLBers do on the infield tarp during baseball rain delays?  Oh, so I am a lascivious pig am I?  Fine.  You watch as Brent Musburger and Jack Arute exchange glowing odes to A.J. Foyt, and I'll spend my precious time in my worthwhile pursuits.  Like researching the third place driver. -KD


TAGSAUTOSDANICA PATRICK

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