SAINT ANDREW'S NET: KITTEN RESCUE!
GARY SHEFFIELD IS A JACKASS

ALEX RODRIGUEZ IS DEAF TO YOUR TAUNTS

By / 06.04.07

Well, this is surprising.  I can hardly believe I'm writing about A-Rod after a Red Sox-Yankees series.  But the $25 million slugger proved his worth last night, hitting his 20th home run of the season with two outs in the ninth to give the Yankees a 6-5 win.  His secret?  Tipping the bouncer $50 before he goes into the champagne room.

Actually, yesterday was a good day for drama throughout the major leagues.  Shane Victorino capped his own bobblehead day (yep, the one of him in a hula skirt) by hitting a walk-off homer to give the Phillies a 9-8 victory over the Giants.  Ryan Howard added a three-run blast for the Phils, and Barry Bonds did fucking nothing.  (Seriously, he didn't play.) And in Anaheim, Vladimir Guerrero hit a ninth-inning, two-run shot that erased Baltimore's lead and lifted the Angels a 4-3 win.

It feels very good, especially knowing what our guys did on the mound, to be able to pick them up," Guerrero said through a translator.

A translator?  Vlad has 350 career homers now — maybe it's time to learn the language, comrade.  Lousy loose immigration policies.  We need bigger walls AND an English test.  And that English test should be expanded to natural-born citizens, as well.  Anyone who fucks up your/you're should be deported.  Into space.


TAGSANDY RODDICKKIRK HERBSTREITLESSONS IN CHILD SPORTSMANSHIPMLBVLADIMIR GUERRERO

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