Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry is being investigated for assaulting a 16-year-old boy, blah blah blah. Fucking shocker.
Police say the 16-year-old and an 18-year-old friend were walking along Wetherington Boulevard near Mt. Zion Road just after 11 p.m. Friday night when, they say a black Navigator or Escalade pulled up next to them. According to the police report, a white male jumped out and started punching the 16-year-old in the face. "From that, the victim tells us another gentleman got out of the vehicle the same vehicle and in their attempt to get away, was shoved to the ground by this African American gentleman," said Cloyd. The teen identified that man as Bengals receiver Chris Henry, and says receiver Reggie McNeill [sic] was also in the vehicle. The teen also alleges that they were throwing beer bottles at him as he tried to run away.
[Henry has] been arrested four times in the past year-and-a-half for marijuana and gun charges, drunk driving and providing alcohol to female minors. His run-ins with the law got him an eight-game, unpaid suspension this upcoming season.
If this is true, Chris Henry is a hero. I hate teenagers. (Chris, if you're reading this, I'll give you $20 to beat the shit out of the kids that hang out on my stoop.) And I think it's great he's hanging out with white people. That's the kind of racial unity this country needs: black and white coming together to beat the crap out of annoying teenagers.
CONTRADICTORY UPDATE: Commenter Scott points out that a rival station has a source that says the accusations were unfounded. So I guess Bengals players are the new bogeyman in Cincinnati. Kids get beat up by grown men, they just assume it was Bengals. Fair enough.
I want more like this!
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