I didn't write anything about Tiger Woods losing the U.S. Open by a stroke because golf is pretty boring unless people are driving their golf carts off of cliffs. But I guess I can congratulate Tiger on his new fatherhood: yesterday, Woods's wife Elin Nordegren gave birth to a baby girl, which they named Sam Alexis.
Nice move, Tiger. Give your daughter a dude's first name and an androgynous middle name. You could have at least waited until puberty before telling her you wanted a son instead.
Anyway, miracle of birth and cigars and proud blah blah blah. I guess some people care about this, but I don't see the big deal. Your wife pooped out a fuck trophy. Hooray. Now hire a nanny and get her back in the gym. Time to tighten things back up. (Note: I meant "tighten up" in the non-gross way, but I guess it can apply in the gross way, too.)