On this week's episode of When Metaphors Attack!… the Cleveland Browns' locker room is filled with sewage. Yep.
Old pipes in Cleveland's water system are largely to blame, city and stadium officials said Wednesday. Iron deposits flaked off the inside of the pipes and clogged toilet valves, causing a 160,000-gallon holding tank — necessary for when thousands of fans go to the restrooms at halftime — to overflow.
"Picture a waterfall," said Carl Meyer, Browns vice president of security and logistics. That water was combined with some sewage from the plumbing system, Meyer said… The overflow left 6 inches of water in the locker rooms and lower service level of the stadium, including food service areas.
Okay, okay — I get it. Cleveland is a shitty city. Cleveland's football team is called the Browns. Shit is brown. The Browns are shitty. God's being a little heavy-handed here. Most plagues are less subtle. And if that's the direction this is going… well, I'm gonna lay some money on Baltimore's Inner Harbor turning into blood. I mean, He's alread got His Linebacker there to help him out.