Courtesy of the lovely and sexy tipstress Tiffany, I'm aware of New York Yankees reliever Scott Proctor's incendiary escapades following yesterday's loss to the A's:
About 45 minutes after yesterday's loss to Oakland – in which Proctor was charged with three runs on three hits in one-third of a inning – the pitcher set fire to his glove, uniform, spikes and other items, outside the Yankee dugout. "I burned everything, the whole bit," Proctor said as he left the Stadium. "I've done it before when things have gone bad. When I needed a change."
Do you need anymore definitive evidence that today's MLBer is making way too much? It must be nice to be able to burn your clothes; when I need a change, I have to do the laundry! (My girlfriend or my mother actually wash my clothes, but the point is still valid.) Although, burning is a good way to dispatch evil – it worked for witches and I suppose it can work for clothes. A wise, old Italian I used to work with employed an interesting home remedy after sampling the wares of the ladies who walked East End Ave. in the evening. He would pour fresh gasoline on his nether region to combat disease. Unfortunately, he often had a lit cigarette in his mouth, and this combustible combination produced one comically horrifying event. It did change him though. -KD
Note: Please don't think I comparing a crappy reliever to the great Hendrix. It was either this or an effigy of Guy Fawkes, and, since I'm Catholic, I'm actually a fan of the Gunpowder Plot.