Today's Agenda...
JOGGING NAKED IS AN ARRESTABLE OFFENSE

WHO CAN STOP THE CUBS JUGGERNAUT?

By 07.14.07

Don't look now, but the mighty Chicago Cubs are only 3.5 games back of the Milwaukee Brewers for the NL Central Division lead.  Thanks to a strong outing by Carlos Zambrano, and an exciting "Hold" by reliever Carlos Marmol, the Northsiders shutout the Astros 6-0.  There are rumors that this pitching combo will star in their own sitcom called "My Two Carloses", and they even may make a cameo appearance on Bob Newhart's new show about a good-natured stammerer running a Vermont inn staffed by illegal aliens. "Hola, I'm Jose. This is my hermano Carlos, and my other hermano Carlos." (Laughtrack as Newhart looks at the camera.)  The fancy iPhones and Blackberries of my cousins who live above Madison St. are busy texting and emailing me legends of the Cubbies' prowess, to which I can only type "1908" . . . or "Fuck off".  This may be the Cubs' year — after all, this is the century mark of their first Series win in 1907, but that was largely because Ty Cobb wagered heavily against his own Detroit club to take the Fall Classic.  Your team is playing well Cubs' fans, but Corey Patterson hit a home run last night (although I won't say against which team).  How does that stick in your craw?

Milwaukee let their lead slip by falling to the Colorado Rockies 10-6.  There should be annual "Beer League Hops Laurel" awarded to the team that wins the most games among the Brewers, the Cardinals, or the Rockies.  Like a BIG TEN trophy game.  Better yet, award the best squad a bevy of BIG TEN co-eds — that will shake up the Rockies' clubhouse. -KD

Photo credit: SI.com


TOPICS#MLB
TAGSCOLORADO ROCKIESHOUSTON ASTROSMILWAUKEE BREWERSNEWCASTLE UNITED

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