Agent Steinz pointed me in the direction of this Mike Wise column on Redskins tight end/H-back Chris Cooley, and there's so much goodness that I've got to shoot bullets of knowledge into your brain. Keep in mind, all of this is besides his super short-shorts at practice and recent growth of a mustache (to honor North Dallas Forty).
• His fiancee, Christy, is a former Redskins cheerleader who was fired when it was learned they were dating. They met through another Redskins cheerleader Cooley had also dated and was also fired. To this day some of the Redskinettes are still pissed at Cooley.
• Coach Joe Gibbs has asked him not eat off the floor of the team plane. From the column: "Hey, the applesauce cup flipped over," he explained. "I just ate it out of the cup off the floor like a dog. I didn't think it was that big a deal."
• Cooley went to Vixens strip club in West Virginia this spring, and he took Christy with him. And her father, her uncle, and her uncle's wife. They were recognized by the staff, and the strippers danced to "Hail to the Redskins."
And I didn't even get to the Captain Chaos nickname or loving '80s hair bands or partying with Dale Earnhardt. Dale Earnhardt, Jr., that is. Although if someone could invent a time machine that was powered by being awesome, Cooley could go back and hang with the Intimidator, too. And maybe stop Hitler too. Yeah, I guess he should probably stop Hitler first, then hang with Dale Earnhardt. That makes more sense.
SEXY UPDATE: 289 points us to Christy's Maxim photo shoot.