Back in June, Robert Stewart was accused of pretty much the sexiest thing possible: trying to have sex with his bicycle. Well, his case has finally been adjudicated, and the Scot has been sentenced to three years of probation and placement on the sex offenders registry. According to the prosecutor,
“[Two maids] used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”
There’s not a whole lot I can add here that wasn’t already brilliantly tackled by the commenters last time, so here are some of the best from the previous post:
RNC: so would a unicycle fetish be the same as an amputee fetish?
Chinaski: I once almost bagged this gorgeous Tirreno Razza at a bar in Italy. Couldn’t seal the deal, though, so I had to settle for fucking this fat Huffy that was sitting in the corner.
Tim: That Tirreno Razza that wouldn’t go home with Chinaski because she was a total byke.
Lloyd_Carr_Pool_Lane: I was checking out a bike with training wheels…..does that make me a pedalphile?
Notice how people played off each other’s funny comments, and nobody bitched about who wasn’t funny. Those commenters were the real heroes, kind of the Greatest Generation of With Leather. We should strive to be like them — and if somebody’s penis gets caught in a bike chain along the way, well, that’s the price I’m willing to pay.