ORIGINAL IDEA NUMBER 7826
ARNOLD PALMER WILL SELL YOU SOME SMOKES

I GUESS THIS IS NEWS

By / 12.07.07

“Barry! Barry! Is it true you can lick my balls?”” title=”“Barry! Barry! Is it true you can lick my balls?”” class=”alignright size-full wp-image-41″ />

I still don't care enough about Barry Bonds to waste time writing about his assface, but there's nothing else going on today, so here I am, writing about his assface.

Anyway, baseball's steroid-fueled home run king went to court today to plead not guilty to stuff he's very obviously guilty of, which comes as no surprise seeing as how he's lied about not doing steroids he very obviously did.  Wait, I wrote that sentence wrong.  I meant to put "allegedly" somewhere in there.  Fucking lawyers. 

The home run king's arraignment in U.S. District Court marked his first public appearance since a Nov. 15 indictment charging him with four counts of perjury and one of obstruction of justice. If he's convicted of all five charges Bonds could spend more than two years in prison.

Translation: he won't be convicted of all five charges, and he'll never see the inside of a prison.  Ooh, unless he's been to Alcatraz!  If he spent all those years in San Francisco and never went, it's his loss.  What an educational tour.  It's so crazy to look at the old cells and think, "Wow, just imagine all the ass rape that happened here."


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