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ILLINOIS O-LINE IS GAY?

By 12.30.07

Hugh Hefner matriculated through the University of Illinois, and he's very excited about the Fighting Illini's appearance in this season's Rose Bowl:

"Illinois has already knocked off the No. 1 team in the country, Ohio State," the founder, editor and emperor of Playboy kindly reminds me. "They're miracle workers . . . I was an undergrad in 1946,'' recalls Hefner, now a spry 81, " which was at the very beginning of when the two conferences forged an arrangement to play against each other in the big game every year. "We came out to play UCLA in that 1947 game, and nobody expected us to win. Nobody."

That's right, a guy that went to college in the 1940s pulls scores of hotter tail than you. Anyway, when Illinois was in Pasadena in for the 1984 Tournament of Roses, they visited the famed Playboy mansion, but not this time:

"No, no Playboy Mansion necessary for us," senior offensive lineman Martin O'Donnell explains to me. "We have our hands full as it is." Ron Zook's team did go to the Improv comedy club, did the Disneyland bit and fed its face at the traditional feast Lawry's sponsors known as the Beef Bowl.

Not necessary? What could have been filling their hands? Oh, wait . . . I get it. Different strokes and all that, and right now I believe conducting a thorough interweb search of my favorite Playmates is absolutely necessary. -KD 


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