WOMEN STILL TERRIFIED BY ELIJAH DUKES
SAINT ANDREW'S NET: SEXY HUMP DAY!

SHOCKING NEWS YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE

By / 12.18.07

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Last week I wrote about how Manchester United had made some wise decisions in planning their Christmas party; namely, no wives or girlfriends were invited, cell phones were prohibited, and they actually hired someone to make sure that all the skanks trying to gain entry were sufficiently hot. 

The team was on a strict schedule: drinking and gambling at the casino, followed by drinking at a pub, followed by drinking and lap dances at a burlesque, then finally drinking and drinking at a boutique hotel they had all to themselves.  What could possibly go wrong?

Manchester United stars were reeling last night after a woman claimed she was raped at their Christmas party. Detectives were called to the boutique hotel venue at 4.15am yesterday over reports that a 26-year-old had been the victim of a sex attack. [...]

One guest at the swanky party said there were around 90 girls at the bash [and] … "They were gorgeous – most were aged between 18 and 30. And some of them were throwing themselves at the players. The booze was really flowing – waitresses were handing out pink champagne to whoever wanted it. And the players seemed to be knocking back beer, vodka and whisky.

"I can't believe this has happened because it had been such a great party earlier in the evening."

Yes, I can't believe it happened, either.  I'm also 8 years old and one of the best students in a public school in a small Kansas town.  When I grow up I wanna be president!


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