By: 05.29.08  •  21 Comments

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to claim that Mariah Carey is retarded.  Will I get sued?  'Cause getting sued BLOWS.  So, I confess: I do not have a doctor's written report that she has a birth defect that led to physical disability, and I don't have a photo of her parking her car in a handicapped space.

On the other hand, there's this video of her throwing out the first pitch at a pro game in Tokyo.  And let's be honest, this says RETARDED way more conclusively than any MRI.  I feel pretty good about this if it goes to court.

[Big League Stew

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