BEVERLY HILLS COP GETS RATNER-ED
SYNECDOUCHE GETS A POSTER

TANK JOHNSON STANDS UP FOR PACMAN

By / 05.29.08

Stripper enthusiast Pacman Jones was sent packing to Dallas after the first year of his indefinite ban from the NFL, but commissioner Roger Goodell has yet to grant him reinstatement in the league.  Why?  Because Roger Goodell is a huge dick.  And so, the Cowboys are joining the cause to get Pacman back in the league.  Among Pac's supporters: gun-lovin' DT Tank Johnson, who rocked an eight-game ban under Der Commissar Herr Goodell.

Johnson looked into the camera and sent a message to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, loudly, clearly and with a big smile: "Roger, please, let him play! From Tank. Thanks, buddy." "Him," of course, is Adam "Pacman" Jones…

The team's department that works with troubled players hooked them up as sort of a mentorship. Nate Newton, Michael Irvin and others helped Johnson, and now he's reaching out to Jones.

Wait, stop the article.  Would that be the same Nate Newton who was caught with 213 pounds of marijuana in his van?  And then a month later was caught another 175 pounds of it, leading to a 30-month jail sentence?  And I'm assuming this Michael Irvin character is the wide receiver who's renowned for his rumored drug and hooker expertise, extending even years after he had retired and was working for ESPN.

What an incredible program.  Maybe they can get Charles Manson to be like, "Dude, take it from me: don't kill anyone.  Although if you really wanna know how…" 

[FanHaus


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