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NEW WOODY ALLEN TRAILER

TIGER GETS SURGERY, NO OTHER NEWS

By 06.18.08

As you can see in this screen capture from CNN.com, the big breaking news today is that Tiger Woods's season is over.  In much less important news happening right now, people are drowning as American cities flood.

Woods said on his Web site that he will have surgery on his anterior cruciate ligament. He also wrote that he needs time to rehabilitate a double stress fracture of his left tibia, which he said was discovered just before the Memorial Tournament in late May…

"I know much was made of my knee throughout the last week, and it was important to me that I disclose my condition publicly at an appropriate time. I wanted to be very respectful of the USGA and their incredibly hard work, and make sure the focus was on the U.S. Open," Woods said on his Web site. "Now, it is clear that the right thing to do is to listen to my doctors, follow through with this surgery, and focus my attention on rehabilitating my knee."

Hmmm… that sounds suspiciously like a very polite FUCK YOU to the conspiracy theorists who thought Tiger's knee was fine all along.  God I can't stand those people.  "This story is completely plausible, but I'd much rather believe something that probably isn't true."  I want those people to get cancer and go through months of radiation treatment, then get hospitalized, and when their whole family visits, the hospital catches fire and they all burn to death in unimaginable suffering.  In a related story, Empathy deficit disorder — do I suffer from it? 


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