THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW
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GENTLEMORMONS PREFER NON-BLONDS

By 07.15.08

Only in Utah could dyed blond hair be indicative of a deviant lifestyle (in the sense that it's outrageous and not just gay). That's the stance taken by Jazz's Jerry Sloan, who objects to Kyrylo Fesenko's newly bleached hair.

"He's got a long way to go to make himself a better player," Sloan said. "He has skills, but sometimes the outside things will take you right out of this game. If those things are more important than basketball, that's where you get in trouble."

"A lot of people have skills," Sloan added. "A lot of them are sitting on the sidewalk wondering what happened 20 years ago when they had a chance. He's got to figure out what he wants to do and play basketball or be a clown."

I don't know where Sloan has been living where homeless people sit on the streets with dyed blond hair questioning what went wrong with their lives, but it's probably the most fabulouth place on Earth. Those bottles of peroxide are awful addictive though. You start out slow but soon those flaxen tresses get so good to you that you'll do anything to keep them. Even if it means… well, I won't go into too much detail. Let's just say platinum pubes do exist.


TAGSJERRY SLOANOHIO BOBCATS

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