IF I WERE A SOCCER REF, I'D DRINK TOO
'BRUNO' MOVIE TO FEATURE 'STRAIGHT DAVE'

NEIGHBORS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND

By / 07.10.08

A couple kids in Greenwich, Connecticut had the idea to construct a mock-up version of Fenway Park for their wiffle ball games, even if they inaccurately put the Green Monster in dead center instead of left field and didn't capture the spirit of the place by neglecting to include a single pink hat. Neighbors, of course, were enraptured with the kids' sense of whimsy and ingenuity. Just kidding. They freaked the fuck out and called some lawyers.

Vincent Provenzano, 16 years old, experienced his Kevin Costner moment one Sunday afternoon in May after a thrilling day of Wiffle ball in a friend’s backyard. He came home, gazed at a field of weeds, brush and poison ivy in an empty lot off Riverside Lane, turned to his friend Justin Currytto, 17, and proclaimed: “If we build it, they will come.”

After three weeks of clearing brush and poison ivy, scrounging up plywood and green paint, digging holes and pouring concrete, Vincent, Justin and about a dozen friends did manage to build it — a tree-shaded Wiffle ball version of Fenway Park complete with a 12-foot-tall green monster in center field, American flag by the left-field foul pole and colorful signs for Taco Bell Frutista Freezes.

But, alas, they had no idea just who would come — youthful Wiffle ball players, yes, but also angry neighbors and their lawyer, the police, the town nuisance officer and tree warden and other officials in all shapes and sizes. It turns out that one kid’s field of dreams is an adult’s dangerous nuisance, liability nightmare, inappropriate usurpation of green space…

Blah, blah, blah and other joykilling NIMBY bullshit. "THIS PROPERTY WASN'T ZONED FOR A FAKE FENWAY PARK! GET THE PROPER PERMITS, YOU LITTLE WINSOME SHITS!"

According to the article, the land belongs to the town and is worth $1.25 million, which was being used for the vital purpose of, well, nothing. Oh, I'm sorry, it was a drainage area, so now that some kids are playing wiffle ball there, surely the next great flood is coming to Greenwich. Divert all recovery efforts from Iowa, toot-sweet!


TAGSDOUCHEBAGSLESSONS IN CHILD SPORTSMANSHIP

Join The Discussion


[avatar]

Join the discussion. or Register





Powered by WordPress.com VIP