BILL MAHER, LIVE AT THE BURQA STORE
SARAH MARSHALL HAS ALDOUS SNOW SPINOFF

NO, NO NO-NO

By / 07.30.08

AL - The Angels, owners of the league's best record, had a busy evening, acquiring Braves slugger (and, ugh, Baltimore native) Mark Teixeira for Casey Kotchman. Later on, John Lackey came within two outs of no-hitting the Red Sox in Fenway, before Dustin Pedroia broke it up with a single to left, followed by Kevin Youkilis spoling the shutout with a two-run homer. Try to be happy with the complete game win, big fella. The Halos are 7-1 this year against Boston, a team they have a problem with getting swept by the playoffs…The Rays take advantage of Red Sox and Yankees losses with a shutout victory in Toronto to extend their AL East to two games. In doing so, they become the first team to beat Roy Halladay three times in a season since, well, the Red Sox last season. ZOMG!…The Twins parlay a five-run 5th to take a 6-5 win over the White Sox and pull within half a game in the Central. Should've been quiet Jose, now the little piranhas will feast…The Rangers win in typical Rangers fasion, by an 11-10 mark and Ichiro gets his 3,000th hitof his professional career. Awful cute of everyone to pretend like the ones in Japan count.

NL - Carlos Zambrano, feeding off the aw-shucks-it-sure-feels-like-October atmosphere in Milwaukee, pitched eight scoreless innings and outdueled Ben Sheets with the fourth time in six head-to-head matchups…Arizona's Doug Davis has a big game tease of his own, going perfect through 6 2/3 before Brian Giles wrecks his shit with a single. Still gets the shutout win. Like those are special over the Padres… The Mets top the Marlins 4-1 and the Phillies scored multiple runs, so they obviously beat the Nationals.

TransactionlandRon Artest got dealt to the Rockets for a crappy point guard, the rights to Donte Green and the first round pick of a likely playoff team. The Saints come to terms with first-round pick Sedrick Ellis and annoying former Dukie Luol Deng looks to finally get his long-term deal with the Bulls.


TAGSHouston RocketsMILWAUKEE BREWERSNEWCASTLE UNITEDPHILADELPHIA PHILLIESWASHINGTON WIZARDS

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