By / 07.24.08

Your guide to the neverending slog of the baseball regular season.

NL – Yeah, that's another Simpsons reference up there in the headline. Sorry. Who'd have thought the Mets would be so happy to see Billy Wagner? At the very least, with him around they get to hear more Metallica, though not spoiling another three-run lead in the 9th might be part of it as well. New York managed to hang on to win 6-3 last night after Tuesday's debacle in which the Phillies scored six in the final frame in Wagner's absence. Jose Reyes hit a three-run jack to break the 3-3 tie in the 6th. Meanwhile, wife-beating dickbag Brett Myers pitched pretty craptacularly in his first start back from the minors, at one point walking four consecutive batters in the 1st inning.

C.C. Sabathia is tearing through the NL like its first bacon cheeseburger of the afternoon. He tossed a complete game, three-hit shutout in Milwaukee's 3-0 win against St. Louis, the third straight outing in which he's gone nine innings. Sabathia improved to 4-0 with the Brewers, having gotten the winning decision in each of his four NL starts…The Nats traded away their best reliever, Jon Rauch, the other day. So yesterday they gave up three runs in the 8th to lose to the Giants 6-4. Gotta love the connectivity of it all… Adam Dunn hits a deciding gran slam in the Reds' 9-5 win over the Padres and only strikes out once. That's gotta go down as a best day ever for him… Chipper Jones hurt his hammy during the Braves win over the Marlins, which people kind of cared about when he was futilely flirting with hitting .400. Now he's just another missing piece of a mediocre team. Wah wah.  

AL – Armando Galarraga was perfect through six-plus inning until he fucked with the DeJesus, who broke up what would have been the Tigers' first perfect game ever with a single in the 7th. Detroit will gladly take the sweep of the Royals anywaySigh. Again with the K-Rod save. He put the cap on a game where the Angels got a season-high 19 hits, five of which came from Casey Kotchman and four, including a grand slam, Jeff Mathis… Willie Bloomquist had some problems adjusting to center, flubbing at 12th inning fly off the bat of Kevin Youkilis that helped spring a three-run rally to give Boston a 6-3 extra innings win in Seattle…The Yankees win again and Mike Mussina inches closer to his first 20-win season after picking up his 13th victory yesterday. On behalf of people who rooted for him in Baltimore, I hope he dies in a fire that starts on his dick…The Orioles and Jays game got suspended by rain in the 6th, for no other reason than Mother Nature wants to see them wear those snazzy throwback unis one more time. 

MISCELLANY – Roger Federer drops his first match since losing the Wimbledon final. Aw man, he must be cooked, so say knee-jerk dipshits the world round. Nnamdi Asomugha opts against a holdout and signs a one-year deal with the Raiders. So now the team can get back to focusing on winning five games this year.


I want more like this!

Follow us on Facebook and get the latest before everyone else.

Join The Discussion


Join the discussion. or Register

Powered by VIP