Howdy, homo-erotic violence lovers. Vince from FilmDrunk here with your UFC 87 preview. The action starts at 10 pm Eastern on Saturday, and if you don’t want to pay for the pay-per-view, here’s a list of bars where you can watch it with a bunch of other drunken assholes all hopped up on chicken wings.
Headlining, 170 lbs: George St. Pierre vs. Jon Fitch
GSP is the favorite, both in Vegas (-350) and of Mandy Moore, but Fitch is undefeated in the octagon. He’s primarily a wrestler, but holds victories over a veritable buttload of solid Welterweight talent including Diego Sanchez, Thiago Alves, and Josh Burkman. But he’s still fighting GSP. I mean, I’d fuck the guy. Wait, what? What I meant was that I really liked it when he kicked that guy in the face! Grr, Metallica!
265 lbs: Brock Lesnar vs. Heath Herring
This one should be barn-burner because both these guys are huge, and both of them really, really hate fags (Lesnar here, Herring here). Seriously though, Lesnar is an angry freak of nature who walks around at like 290 pounds, and whose only loss was to Frank Mir, who’s something of a submission prodigy, which Heath Herring is not. Then again, this is Lesnar’s third fight ever, while Herring has fought damn near everybody. (And just so we're clear, I was totally serious about both these guys hating gay people).
155 lbs.: Kenny Florian vs. Roger Huerta
The most interesting thing about this one is that Roger Huerta has one fight left on his contract and has been mouthing off in the press about how he deserves more money. Meanwhile Dana White, who's notoriously gangsta about this kinda crap says Huerta is a prima donna and isn't getting shit unless he beats Florian. They're both well-rounded and fun to watch and I'm not heavily invested either way. The important thing is that someone gets hurt.
155 lbs.: Manny Gamburyan vs. Rob Emerson
Gamburyan is underrated – he lost The Ultimate Fighter Finale to Nate Diaz who he was clearly beating until he dislocated his shoulder, and has won each of his two fights since in less than 2:00. Meanwhile, Emerson "Was arrested in 2000 for his membership in the Lords of South County, a gang of Orange County rich kids who liked to assault innocent people for fun. Arrested again in 2006 after a dustup at a bar, and pled guilty to two counts of battery." (reference). That all may be an exaggeration, but simply being from Orange County is more than enough for me to root against him. I'm a simple man. A simple, hate-filled man.
185 lbs.: Demian Maia vs. Jason McDonald
Uh, who? <research> Jason McDonald is a Canadian ginger. Demian Maia is a Brazilian. I'm sure that won't have any effect on the outcome of the fight, but I figure everyone picks a favorite based on race, right? Guys?