Olympics — Sorry everyone, you already missed the opening ceremonies. President Bush was there (along with 91,000 other people in the Bird’s Nest), becoming the first U.S. president to attend an Olympics in another country. That should save his legacy. The good news is that NBC will play the ceremony tonight at 7:30, meaning you have plenty of time after work to get high in preparation. For those of you already high: check out the photo gallery.
NFL — On Sunday Night Football on Thursday, the Jets rallied to beat the Browns, scoring two touchdowns against the sixth-team defense in the final quarter, as He Who Shall Not Be Named watched from the sidelines… Both Super Bowl participants lost their preseason openers, while Eli Manning looked notably sloppy. Get that kid outta New York! He’s never gonna make the leap!