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MONDAY SUCK-OFF: KICKIN’ BALLS, TAKIN’ NAMES

By / 10.13.08

Three teams lost at the feet of kickers and their last second field goals yesterday, but if you’re a fan of the Lions, Redskins, or Bears (oh my!), you might already know that. And if so, congratulations on not committing suicide last night! We all know you had the perfect opportunity after watching New England get destroyed last night. Man, that game would have been so satisfying, had it happened in Week One, but with Matt Cassel dragging that team down to Special Olympian status, even the confused face of Bill Belichick couldn’t bring me the joy that flipping to another game would have.

You know who else sucked yesterday? The AFC North. Baltimore got whipped by an Indy team that’s been struggling all year, while Favre’s two picks and one fumble weren’t generous enough to get a Carson Palmer-less Cincinnati team past the Jets. As for Pittsburgh and Cleveland? Those turds didn’t even play.

The Tom Cable Era got off the only way it possibly could have, with the Raiders losing in a blowout to the Saints. San Francisco’s not quite ready for prime time, as the Niners let the Westbrook-less Eagles hang 23 points on them in the fourth quarter in a come-from-ahead loss. And Carolina lost a big division game against Jeff Garcia, who may have played well enough to usurp Brian Griese as the Bucs’ starting quarterback next week against Seattle.

If we were going to hand out some suck-off medals, the bronze would go to clockblocker Ken Whisenhunt, whose last-second timeout in regulation damn near cost his team a win. Any silver would be set aside for the officials of the Packers-Seahawks game, who seem hellbent on screwing Mike Holmgren on every conceivable gray-area call that arises. I suppose Dan Orlovsky could have made it here, too, but there was just so much novelty in unintentionally wandering out of the end zone…that’s more like “trailblazing” than “sucking” to me.

But the gold would have to go to the Miami Dolphins defense, who let Matt Schaub and his three picks drive down the field on them for the game-winning touchdown in the last minute.

Congrats to everyone that sucked this week. You are what makes watching the NFL so awesome.

This will be an abbreviated posting day because of the holiday. Seriously. WL will return in full force on Tuesday.


TAGSMONDAY SUCK-OFFNFL

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