A day after being suspended, NHL heel Sean Avery predictably apologized for his off-color comments about other players picking up his “sloppy seconds.” Apologies must be awesome if you’re a pro athlete. You don’t actually have to face anyone and say you’re sorry. Just have the team’s publicist fill in the details to the form apology letter and let them release it to the press wires.
“I should not have made those comments and I recognize that they were inappropriate. It was a bad attempt to build excitement for the game, but I am now acutely aware of how hurtful my actions were. I caused unnecessary embarrassment to my peers as well as people I have been close with in the past.”
It goes on like that for a while, with specific apologies to his teammates, fans, the league, Canada, the director of The Girl Next Door, Rod Stewart, and so on until you can practically see Sean Avery reading it over and making a wanking motion.
In related news, The Sporting Blog found this fun poll that was part of a FOXSports.com story on Avery. I’m not sure what they mean by “going five-hole.” If they’re trying to insinuate something, I’m not sure where the fifth hole is. Or even the fourth hole. Although I guess in hockey the five-hole is between the goalie’s– OH MY GOD THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT VAGINAS.