BREAKING: BRETT RATNER IS LAZY
NO F-CKING THANK YOU

FOUR CAL RIPKEN’S “8″ THIEVES ARRESTED

By 09.09.09

A four-feet tall aluminum No. 8 that sat outside of Baltimore’s Camden Yards was stolen by four men arrested early this morning. The large No. 8 either is commemorating the career or Orioles legend Cal Ripken or denoting the number of ounces in a half-pound of crack. I hear they like the crack up there.

Police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi says surveillance camera footage shows the four men removing the monument and placing it in the back of a pickup truck.

They were later arrested in east Baltimore. The suspects are 18-year-old Patrick Reynolds, 19-year-old Jason Stonebuner, 19-year-old Matthew Rayner and 19-year-old Gary Parker. Parker is from Baltimore, while the other three are from Essex. via.

And that’s a damn shame, because I was all set to answer this Craigslist ad that Unsilent Majority found earlier today.

My uh..uncle made this for Cal Ripken. Does not want it anymore. makes a great lawn ordainment or paper weight over small annoying dogs. Maybe your favorite number is eight? I know mine is. $150 OBO. It is sitting in the back of my truck on Baltimore Street, I can get some strong crack heads to help lift it off for an extra $25.

What a joker. Everybody knows there’s no such thing as strong crackheads. That’s probably why the crackhead labor market is in the tank right now. $25 seems a little steep for people that would lick the side of a tree for loose change.


TOPICS#MLB
TAGSBALTIMORE ORIOLESPOLICE BLOTTER

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