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NFL WEEK 5: LOSERS AND REALLY BIG LOSERS

By / 10.12.09

The Tennessee Titans. After losing to the Indianapolis Colts in last night’s “Sounded like a good idea when we scheduled it” Sunday night game, the defending AFC South champs now sit at 0-5. That leaves Tennessee, yep, five games behind the Colts in the division hunt. The Colts won handily, 31-9.

Even Titans backup quarterback Vince Young, the veritable human surrender flag, found his way onto the field in the second half last night, leaving one to speculate whether or not the 2009 Titans, less than halfway into their season, are already in the bag. They’re 29th in points allowed per game and 31st in pass yards allowed on defense, while 36-year-old quarterback Kerry Collins (5 TDs, 7 picks) is finally looking like the pickled journeyman everyone expected to see last season.

And by the way, are the Colts playing every game on national television this year? Does Peyton Manning have to be the last thing I see before I go to bed at night each week?

More losers and really big losers for Week 5:

Brady Quinn. Derek Anderson got the start under center as the Cleveland Browns played the Buffalo Bills Sunday. Anderson completed 2 of his 17 passes (yes, two) as the Browns won a punters’ duel, 6-3 in OT. The rest on Anderson’s line: Surely Browns coach Eric Mangini is concerned about his team’s lack of offensive productivity.

“The way it turned out, I thought it was beautiful,” coach Eric Mangini said of his first win with Cleveland. “It’s great. It’s fantastic. I couldn’t be happier.”

Oh.

The Carolina Panthers’ Jeff King. King recovered a fumble in the end zone for the Panthers, but due to the Holy Roller rule [which basically says, "Only the player that fumbles a ball can recover it, either on fourth down or inside the last two minutes of a half"] the TD was nullified and the Washington Redskins were awarded the ball, The Panthers won their first game of the year, while everyone on the staff of Redskins coach Jim Zorn has to be packing up their offices.

85% of Yahoo! Fantasy Football players. That’s the percentage of fantasy owners that didn’t start Dallas Cowboys wideout Miles Austin, whose first career start netted him 250 receiving yards and 2 TDs, including the game-winner in overtime. I started Austin in one league and then started Roy Williams, who missed the game due to a rib injury. Whoops.

Bill Belichick. He lost to his protege’, Broncos coach Josh McDaniels, whose team was outfitted like the Oompa-Loompas from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Why the hell did they ever remake that movie…

The AFC North. The Cincinnati Bengals, if the season ended today, would make the playoffs with their 4-1 record. The Bengals, after a barrage of Carson Palmer passes and officials’ flags, scored the winning TD in the last minute of the game. Again. Rather than give credit to the Bengals for rallying around defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer, whose wife passed away Saturday, I blame the rest of the league for being bad enough to let Cincy be one white receiver from being 5-0.

Who did we miss? We’ll get to some of the really, really big losers later, but leave your losers in the comments.


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