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Masturbation Is Lawrence Taylor's Best Defense

LT Claims Self-Service On Rape Charge

By / 05.12.10

NFL legend Lawrence Taylor has a fun defense for his impending statutory rape charge. And if it sounds plausible to you, then there’s a bridge in the New York City area that I’d like you to consider purchasing.

As one source put it, Lawrence engaged in a “masturbatory act” and that was it.

According to New York law, “A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when … he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than seventeen years old.”[..]

[I]n the criminal complaint against the alleged pimp, authorities allege Taylor engaged in “sex acts” but there is not mention of sexual intercourse — a requirement for 3rd degree rape. –TMZ.

LT was also found in possession of a condom, and that’s good thinking. It ensures that he’ll never catch any sexual diseases from himself. Most people rent a video or call up one of their ex-girlfriends, but not LT. This is like the kid getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar and telling Mom, “I just wanted to look at it.” It didn’t work for me when I was 5, and it won’t work for LT now. Nobody ever wants to just look at it. Especially when they have protection handy.


TAGSFORCING THE STATUTORY RAPE JOKESLAWRENCE TAYLORNEW YORK GIANTSNFL

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