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Chase Utley Did Not Drink JoBu’s Rum

By / 06.17.10

It’s a time honored baseball tradition for players mired in a slump to do a few off-kilter things to try and shake the bad times. Some set rookies’ feet on fire. Others such as Mark Grace knock out a few ‘slump busters’. And when all else fails, they resort to Pedro Cerrano-esque voodoo.

The Phillies have basically turned into the Baltimore Orioles for the month of June, falling to third place in the NL East as their high powered lineup has gone sour and their pitching staff has collectively decided that as long as Roy Halladay shuts down the opposing lineups once every five days it’s okay if their balls get shellacked all the way to New Guinea.

The Phillies may finally be trying to jump start their wretched play by mixing things up. Ruben Amaro Jr. reportedly met with all of the coaching staff this afternoon and Chase Utley’s locker looked a bit strange today.

From Todd Zolecki, we hear that Chase Utley may have been tempting the baseball gods prior to the game with some sort of voodoo, “There’s an arrangement of bats, a banana, an orange, an apple and a Red Bull can next to Utley’s locker.”

J.C. Romero was not impressed, via Ryan Lawrence, “I believe in God, I don’t believe in that (crap).” -The700Level

You know what else JC Romero believes in? PERFORMANCE ENHANCING SUPPLEMENTS! And if this voodoo stuff doesn’t work I’d be perfectly okay if the Phillies headed to the bathroom with a few cases of stanozolol¬†and human growth hormone.

Now if the Phillies are going to keep losing, they might as well do it in an entertaining fashion, right? And that’s why they should really think hard about re-signing everybody’s second favorite Dominican nutbag Pedro Martinez. His fastball may only touch 88 MPH, but the probability that he assaults semi-senile bench coaches on the field is still pretty high. Plus he attracts midgets.

Maybe the Phillies need to hire one of these to get them out of their funk:


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