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Peruvian Drug Kingpins Are Using the Vuvuzela For Evil

By / 07.07.10

If you’re mindlessly buzzing away with your vuvuzela at a World Cup soccer affair and look over to see a couple of shady Peruvians just holding theirs, it’s not because their lips are worn out. They’re probably using those noise polluters for transporting marijuana. *AUDIBLE GASP*.

Yes, the civil nuisance that is the vuvuzela has gone to the dark side by becoming the drug mule of the woodwind world. The exploding popularity of the plastic horn has enabled Peruvian drug dealers to inconspicuously house their illegal substances inside the vuvuzela’s hollow innards and then sell the marijuana to little children! At least I assume they were, because two dealers who were caught with loaded vuvuzelas were in front of a school at the time.

Peruvian drug dealers have found a novel use for the vuvuzela, the long, thin plastic horns whose buzzing blare has been the theme sound of the soccer World Cup — hiding their marijuana.

Two Peruvian women were arrested in front of a school in Lima on Tuesday for trying to sell 100 small bags of marijuana that they had stuffed into their plastic horns, police said.

Vuvuzelas have spread quickly and become standard fare at soccer matches and political rallies in Peru and many other countries. Peru did not qualify for the cup being held in South Africa but its fans have noisily followed the games of other South American teams. -Yahoo!

This is the final straw. I am calling for the ABOLISHMENT OF THE VUVUZELA! I decree that anybody found with one shall get their hell-trumpet snapped in half and then we’ll beat you silly with the remains. Tell me again why I can’t be emperor of the universe?

The fact of the matter is the vuvuzelas have pissed off millions of world cup TV viewers with their annoying droning sound of a flock of bees, probably caused a family that was ACTUALLY attacked by bees to think it’s just the TV, ripped out the throats of innocent tooters and are now used for drug trafficking. Get rid of them.


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