The Chicago Cubs, in a heated race to finish fourth in the National League Central and prove to the Pittsburgh Pirates that they are the better already-eliminated team, received a shocking blow yesterday when outfielder Tyler Colvin was struck in the chest by a shattered bat. Colvin will miss the rest of the season, earning him the distinction of third luckiest Cub behind Lou Piniella and Derrek Lee.
While playing the Florida Marlins, Colvin was running home when Welington Castillo hit a double and his bat broke, sending the bulk of it directly at Colvin, and the sharp, pointy, looks-like-it-would-really-f*cking-hurt-and-make-me-scream-like-a-girl end struck him in the chest, resulting in a puncture wound. Seriously, ouch. Colvin was taken to the hospital, where he is still being treated for pneumothorax, or a chest puncture for my DeVry classmates unfamiliar with hospital speak.
At least we can joke about it after the fact, right Chicago Breaking Sports?
Colvin was not in labored breathing, and there was very little blood. There was no immediate word on the depth of the wound, though it was only a few inches from his heart, and his neck, and could’ve been much more serious. The sharp end of the larger piece of Castillo’s broken bat is what went into Colvin’s chest, but it did not stick into the chest.
Marlins catcher Mike Rivera said it was scary and looked like “he was being stabbed.”
That didn’t look like he was being stabbed. I walked in on my daddy stabbing my mommy with love one time and she seemed to like it. But that was last week, so what do I know?
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