Normally when I read something that starts off with “Stopped into a Pittsburgh-area Dairy Queen yesterday” it’s followed by a half-assed excuse for getting a handy from a fat chick in a Penguins jersey. But this time it’s because Dan Hopper, the Senior Editor at Best Week Ever, took a couple snap shots of some cakes that he found at a Dairy Queen while he was in Pittsburgh. It seems that parents in the Steel City can celebrate their kids’ birthdays by giving them a Ben Roethlisberger cake. Not to be outdone, Carvel has released its own Rapey the Raspberry Rhino ice cream cake.
But as much fun as a cake that’s main ingredients presumably include two giant nuts and an imposing banana can be, the real Big Ben news today revolves around the Steelers QB’s admission in an interview yesterday that he contemplated quitting the NFL in the midst of his sexual misconduct allegations. Adding, “Because everyone knows the UFL is totally cool with a bathroom bonejob.”
Pack me a pint full of rum raisin, Fox Sports, and if it doesn’t fit, force it in there:
In an interview on the program “NFL Live,” Roethlisberger said he had learned some hard lessons from the ordeal, but insisted he was not guilty.
“There was a time when I was going through all this that I contemplated not playing anymore,” Roethlisberger said. “I didn’t want to be Big Ben anymore.”
I can totally understand that. He shouldn’t have to be Big Ben if he doesn’t want to. He could be Bathroom Ben. Maybe Ben Means Yes. He could team up with Jay Cutler and form the Eiffel Tower. Or he could get with Chris Cooley and make a Washington Monument. The possibilities are endless.
Ben returned to practice this week and will be the starter for the Steelers’ Week 6 game after this week’s bye. Ben’s replacement, Charlie Batch, will now return to his previous job of making Ben Roethlisberger birthday cakes.
(Thanks to classically trained pianist RoboPanda for the tip.)