The Volcanoes became a permanente fixture in Keizer back in 1997. Executives brought NWL baseball back to Oregon by convincing Chazz Palminteri that they’d put the team in harmless, palsied Salem instead of the notoriously deadly drug-running suburb of Keizer. Chazz eventually figured out what was going on and accidentally shattered his coffee cup, but it was too late: the Volcanoes were a team with a progressive douche parent first name and a lavender dinosaur with a baseball face as their mascot. Was Salem truly Keizer all along? Did former Cleveland Indians pitcher Masa Kobayashi even exist? We may never know.
Anyway, I’m not “that guy,” but Crater comes pretty close to scary the literal crap out of me. Look at him, he’s terrifying. The seams on his baseball head jut out and form shark tooth spikes. His eyes are red, his tongue is hanging out of the side of his mouth, he has weird, slender lady monster hands and he carries around lead pipe with a dismembered bear claw (or dinosaur foot) bearing his his likeness on the palm. What the hell does he use that thing for? Other than murder, I mean. He wants you to know who he is when he’s clawing you to death with a thing he found.
Unfortunately, Crater stopped being the mascot for the Volcanoes when I jumped on him and killed him in Donkey Kong Country Returns.
- Geek & Sci-Fi