In a sentence that no man should have to write, athletic shoe company “LeBron Jordan” is suing LeBron James and Michael Jordan for $150 million each for “poisoning its [good] name in the press.” The cordwainer (look it up) claims that reps at Live Nation and Nike sunk a multimillion dollar, Amalgam Comics-quality footwear deal by calling them idiots (more or less) and threatening to sue. The case is expected to rage throughout sports media websites until it is inevitably dismissed with a wanking motion by a county judge.
LeBron Jordan, Inc. (an incorporated company) points out that nobody trademarked the words “Lebron” and “Jordan” together, and “you could not even find that name combination on Google.” I want to be in the court when this goes down, just to have one of the crazy LJI guys stand up and yell, “but there isn’t even anybody NAMED LeBron Jordan, your honor!” In addition to name combination finding-out, Google can be used to view the LeBron Jordan website, wherein you find out they make high-tops out of old Super Nintendos.
This lawsuit is sure to rock three of the four LeBrons to their core, and is the worst non-personal, non-Miami-Heat-related thing to ever happen to them. It’s pretty bad for Jordan, too, ranking somewhere between accidentally wearing a Hitler mustache in an underwear commercial and having his father murdered.
For more information, please Google the words “TMZ” and “basketball” together.