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Red Sox Fans Are Gonna Get Drunk(er)

By / 03.25.11

A few months back, the world was introduced to the Bottoms Up beer filler (above), a revolutionary device that fills beers faster than the speed of light and multiplies the alcohol content by 100. And while I was exaggerating and made that last part up, the device is still pretty awesome, in that it fills draft beer through a hole in the bottom of the cup with no spill and at the rate of 56 beers per minute. Suddenly, my idea of filling milk jugs with beer for frat parties sounds ridiculous.

But who better to kick off the use of Bottoms Up at professional sporting events baseball games than the Boston Red Sox? I had originally guessed the Utah Jazz, but I suppose this makes a little more sense.

Red Sox concessionaire Aramark signed a deal to bring a pair of “Bottoms Up” beer dispensers to Boston by Opening Day. The aptly named system fills a special cup from the bottom up in just a few seconds, vastly outpouring typical tap setups and keeping those aggravating alcohol lines moving.

“It’s another reason for fans to get excited,” said Aramark spokesman David Freireich. “We think people will be lining up and stopping by even if they aren’t planning on buying a beer, just to see how it works.” (Via Boston Herald)

That’s right, Sox fans. Forget that you came to Fenway to watch your beloved Sawks, and instead stand in concessions lines to watch beer cups fill up. “Oooooowah,” Tommy will say as he watches Donnie and Sully beat the crap out of a guy who is holding up the line in the bottom of the 6th inning because his kid wanted to watch liquid go into a cup.


TAGSBEERboston red soxDRUNK FANSMLB

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