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Morning Links: Ernest Goes To Giants Training Camp

By / 05.12.11

I know I’m mostly a baseball and pro wrestling guy (and softball, if anything ever happens with that), but as the editor of With Leather it’s my duty to write about all arenas of sport, so I’m making an effort to get into things. For example, there’s this thing called “football” that a lot of people I know enjoy. It’s a lot like baseball, only with more fat people and constant time-outs. Seriously, how can you watch football? There are like four penalties thrown for every player that moves. If you want to win the Super Bowl, just stand still all season, they won’t be able to do anything to you.

And yes, I’m kidding. I’m just trolling you, I know why you watch football. I’m not that much of a jerk. You watch it because you’re drunk!

Sports

Inside Camp Eli - Eli Manning always seems like he’s one step away from donning a denim vest and becoming the NFL’s version of Ernest. I can picture him now, hanging onto a windowsil until somebody closes the window on his fingers, then staring down at his fingers calmly for a while before looking at the camera and screaming. [KSK]

Hilary Swank Publicly Palms Paramour’s Package at Mavs-Lakers Game - This is pretty funny (and a nice contrast to yesterday’s “stop grabbing our boobs at sporting events” article), but I’m still a little disappointed that the picture isn’t Hilary Swank palming the girl from Paramore. [Sportress of Blogitude]

Not Sports

The Best of Power Girl Cosplay - Power Girl cosplay is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. If you don’t know who Power Girl is, it won’t really hurt your ability to enjoy this gallery. Has anybody ever asked her why she has a big boob hole? I’m sure some horrible young writer has shown up and made everybody in Power Girl’s universe a self-aware character from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” by now. [Gamma Squad]

What If Nicki Minaj & Lil Kim Had A Rap Battle? - This is maybe my favorite thing on the Internet. Ten years from now we’re going to look back on Nicki Minaj and wonder what the hell we were thinking, then remember what we were thinking was “big ass.” Can you still be a good rapper if you need a computer to make your syllables fit? [Smoking Section]

The Lindsay Lohan Crime Spree Legal Timeline - Where have you gone, little girl from “The Parent Trap,” our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. Oh, wait, there you are, putting a flag pole in your mouth and rubbing your crotch because Terry Richardson has mental problems and sh:tty ideas about what makes good photography. [WWTDD]

The Ten Best TV Episodes of the 2010-11 Season - I don’t disagree with the #1 choice (and think it’s one of the best episodes of anything I’ve ever seen), but I would’ve put Community’s “Mixology Certification” a lot higher. Also snubbed: Parks and Recreation’s “Harvest Festival.” Lil’ Sebastian or we riot! [Warming Glow]

Lying Pastor Stole His Navy SEAL Stories From Steven Seagal - Don’t judge this guy too harshly, I base all of my blogging stories on the life of Jean Claude Van Damme. Remember when I wrote about baseball, but then a big muscular Chinese dude also wrote about baseball, and kicked Ozzie Guillen so hard in the leg that his bone was sticking out? Ha, I was making a joke, but no, I’m going to start basing my life on JCVD. [Film Drunk]

Super Terrific Japanese Thing: Kiss Transporter - This device is supposed to replicate the feeling of a kiss between partners over a long distance, but it’s mostly just a straw on a swivel. Also, I’ve watched enough porn to know the Japanese idea of kissing is just sticking your tongue out and wiggling it against somebody else’s for five minutes. [Topless Robot]


TAGSboobsELI MANNINGFootballMORNING LINKSRap MusicTV

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