Oh, hello, I didn’t see you there. Sorry, since about the middle of last night I’ve been dancing around in circles with a glitter wand, laughing and clapping my hands because (so far) this has been the best baseball season ever. The Tribe scored 19 runs to beat the second place Royals in front of a sellout Kauffman Stadium crowd of two midgets and a severed torso, and it was glorious. I can’t wait until we clinch the division, then move on to tackle steam-powered steroid digger Jose Bautista and his lookers-on in the playoffs.
The only words I know to “Oh Happy Day” are oh, happy and day, but I’m singing it anyway.
Tribe Offense Piles on 19 Runs to Rout Royals - In case you skimmed that opening paragraph, go read this game recap from a guy who has my dream job: writing about the Indians killing the Royals. Actually, I think my dream job would be writing about the Indians killing the Yankees, but I think it’s the same job. Oh who am I kidding, my dream job is being Lee South and taking cheesecake photos of wrestling girls. Or possibly being Winnie the Pooh at Disney World. [Indians.com]
The 20 Ugliest Caps Licensed By Major League Baseball - This made me laugh out loud, if only for how much I could identify. I don’t think the Tribe hat featured here is ugly, necessarily, but I will be in the cold, dead ground before I wear a baseball hat that isn’t proper baseball team colors. Come for the racism, stay for “Funky Dopetastic.” [SBN]
The Heat Vs. Bulls Preview: 10 Points To Watch - The only really important point to watch is Wade getting dunked on. I could watch that clip all day. They should’ve spliced in that clip of LeBron crying and wiping his face with his shirt. [Smoking Section]
Top 5 Dunks from Game 1 of Bulls/Heat Series - Somehow, Blake Griffin has four of these. [Hoop Doctors]
January Jones’ bra, Conan the Barbarian’s skirt: This Week in Posters - Believe it or not, Betty was my favorite “Mad Men” character until season four, when she started hanging out with skeevy-hands Francis and barely being on the show. Yes, it was about 80% how she looked, but lately I’ve really loved characters on TV who are unlikeable and never get a Christmas episode about how secretly nice they are. [Film Drunk]
ICP wants Charlie Sheen for this year’s Gathering of the Juggalos - Of course they do. They also want Corporal Robinson to jump through a big stack of light tubes, too, so hopefully those two things can happen at the same time. [Film Drunk]
Fox, NBC Release Schedules For 2011-12 - I am not looking forward to hearing everyone’s opinion about Zooey Deschanel on a show where she’s a manic pixie dream girl. No, stop typing that comment, I don’t want to hear it. [Warming Glow]
Facebook Fail-Log: May Edition - Included so my girlfriend will actually click something when she reads the morning links. The best one is the argument about Obama and gas prices. In Europe, I bet you can order a gallon-a-cola! [Uproxx]