Miami Heat 102, Boston Celtics 91 (Series: 2-0 MIA)
I never thought I’d say this, but I miss the proud, sometimes arrogant boasting of my Boston friends. But that’s the game, friends. One team grows old, another blossoms. They’re like supermodel girlfriends for wealthy Persian night club owners. In this case, Boston is a 31-year old fake blonde with a face like an oiled catcher’s mitt and Miami is a sexy 18-year old Brazilian girl with an ass you can rest a drink on.
LeBron James led the way for Miami with 35 points while Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh combined for 45. But nobody cares about any of that because there’s a huge elephant in the room now – Chris Paul sat courtside with Maverick Carter, who is of course the best friend of LeBron James: The Person and CEO of LeBron James: The Company. If you’d like to learn more about Maverick, you can read Jason Whitlock’s
blowjob piece about their time together. Otherwise, get ready for a sh*tload of CP3 to the Heat rumors.
Quote of the game: “Feel good about it. Series is far — far, far, far — away from over. It’s really just beginning for us.” – LeBron James. Define far, dude. One more win and this series is over, barring a Dave Roberts stolen base and a Bill Mueller single.
Oklahoma City Thunder 111, Memphis Grizzlies 102 (Series: 1-1)
Even in a losing effort, Memphis continues to be the scariest team not named the Heat in the NBA Playoffs. Kevin Durant and the Thunder at least slowed them down to keep the series even, behind Durant’s 25 points and Russell Westbrook’s 24. But the real stars in last night’s Game 2 were James Harden and Eric Maynor, who combined to score 36 points off the bench. The Grizzlies’ entire bench was limited to just 29 points.
Quote of the game: “We just didn’t have enough fight in us.” – Memphis coach Lionel Hollins. And that’s why NBA players should be required to take PCP before all games.
Tonight’s predictions: Atlanta over Chicago, Dallas over Los Angeles