Worst: Is It Still This Guy’s F**king Birthday?
The main event speech of the night was just like the first 40 minutes, only with an added “welp, I hope you guys enjoyed some of that” feel. I guess I don’t need to keep harping on this, but I just wanted SOMETHING to happen. I wanted Stone Cold Steve Austin to come out and drink beers with him. I wanted Happy Birthday interrupted by AHHHHSAHHHHHHHHM and a Miz spaz-attack to redeem himself after losing to Cena. I wanted an Altered Beast Big Bossman to rise from his grave and drag away the Rock’s mom in the Blues Brothers car. Just something, anything other than Rocky standing there smiling and clapping about how much we all love him.
Mr. McMahon’s music hit and I thought something HAD to go down, but it turned into the MLB Playoffs and a teary-eyed exchange of admiration. Then Mya (who is somebody else that hasn’t been relevant since the Attitude Era) showed up out of the ether and asked us all to sing Happy Birthday, then sang it in a way where nobody could possibly sing along. Happy burrrr-hurr-hurr-hurrrthday THE ….. ro-haooo-haoo-haooo-haoooock…. At this point I’m even begging for Jillian. JILLIAN. I’m begging for f**king Jillian Hall. What are you doing to me?
Best: It is Not the Rock’s Birthday for Another 364 Days
…and it happens after Wrestlemania 28, which means he won’t be around to celebrate it with us.