Best: Big Show is Peter Griffin
Oh, God, I almost forgot about the best part of the show. Big Show and Kane are shown sitting on a car, because a pro wrestling show is the toughest place to find a folding chair. Turns out it’s Alberto Del Rio’s car, Kane accidentally spills coffee on Ricardo Rodriguez, Big Show gets a shampoo commercial that Del Rio auditioned for, something. Anyway, Ricardo drives a car into the Big Show’s leg, causing show to collapse and SCREAM HILARIOUSLY FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES. C’MAAAH…GEDDINHERE. It wouldn’t stop. Show’s “pain” sounded exactly like Eric Cartman’s “I just inherited a million dollars” noise. It was amazing.
It kept getting funnier. Show’s average, normal guy buddy Kane got to stand around looking concerned, just sort of staring at the floor. EMTs arrived with a HEART MONITOR that was beeping in the background because MEDICAL CARE. They went to commercial and you’re all like “whew haha okay that’s over,” and then they return to the exact same scene, like Show getting run over by a car is the new Man of 1,004 Holds promo. It was the live TV version of Peter Griffin’s “hhhhhhhhhhhh …. ahhhhh” knee injury sell from “Family Guy.”
Worst: Michael Cole Still Exists, Will Be In the Cole Mine Again By Smackdown
Oh, right, this f**king guy.
Cole made his return to Raw with a backstage Charlie Brown walk, a brief emasculation by the smart, sexy and loitering WWE Divas, and an in-ring apology to Jerry Lawler. Things returned to normal, with Cole sort of shoehorning in his light, beginning-of-NXT heel support without the Cole Mining shouting of the last six months. By the main event Cole was arguing with Lawler again, and I’m guessing by the time Smackdown roles around he’ll be wearing wrestling headgear and carrying around Slammys and getting knighted and defeating Sergeant Slaughter in a boot camp match or whatever. Cole should’ve fallen into the mystery spot, or he should’ve bought a tennis racket and started following around antiquated Southern-style tag teams.
Actually, that would be pretty cool. We could throw him off a scaffold.