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The Dugout: Indians/Rays Live Blog

By / 05.11.11

Most of the time The Dugout is intended as comedy, but now that I’m in charge of With Leather I am extremely interested in turning The Dugout into a marketable brand. That means an emphasis on new media, a reworking of the strip’s basic content, and the integration of serious, analytical game recaps. What you’re about to read is the first of those, wherein I forget the comedy and just recap what happened in the 9th inning of Tuesday’s game at Progressive Field.

This is simply copy and pasted from last night’s live blog, so if you missed it, here’s your chance to relive an essentially meaningless mid-May match-up between a team who is probably not going to be this good at the end of the season and the CLEVELAND INDIANS. Today’s play-by-play blog follows.

Note: A special thanks goes out to Pat of Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke? for winning my “give Kelly Shoppach a screen name that hopefully isn’t about shopping” Twitter contest.



The Dugout

  **Online Host**
Welcome to the Tampa Bay Rays @ Cleveland Indians 5-10-11 9th Inning Chatroom!
BigLeagueChoo: /can’t really walk a straight line to first
Maddon11: THAT’S OKAY BIG JOEL THAT’S OKAY, FOUR BALLS ISN’T BAD, JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS, HUMBAY HUMBAY
Maddon11: /gives signs
JoelQuest: /thinks Joe Maddon is purposelessly scratching his balls

Baseboletta: /takes a few cuts (like "Mother’s Daughter" and "Samba Pa Ti")

Maddon11: ALL RIGHT JOEL THIS GUY’S ONLY GOT ONE JOKE, YOU GOT HIM, SOOWING BATTA BATTA
Maddon11: /gives signs
JoelQuest: /thinks it’s sort of weird that Joe Maddon won’t stop slapping Dave Hernandez on the ass like that
Baseboletta: /singles (like "Black Magic Woman")
Maddon11: F**K
BigLeagueChoo: /collapses headfirst into third base
Maddon11: Ugh, okay, Pronk is up next, and it’s the beginning of May so he can still lift both of his arms. Put him on.
PronkyKong: /is wheeled to first
Maddon11: This sucks. It sure would be nice if we had a relief pitcher who could read signs.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wish /pops head out of bullpen

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: did somebody say wish
Maddon11: no
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: c’mon manager put me in, i been listenen to selena gomez & the scenes "who says" on loop for the last three hours i am ready for some f**ken mortal combats
Maddon11: no, that’s okay, I think we’re fine. /gives signs
JoelQuest: /chicken dances

Maddon11: /facepalm

okay, why should I put you in with the game on the line?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: playen %ages
Maddon11: which percentages
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: the regular ones
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: come the S on skip i know the sines, your talken to "girl talk" kyle farnsworth, i saw the sines an they opened up my eyes i saw the sines
Maddon11: You can read signs? I didn’t know you could read.
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i know patten you’re chest means fastball i know grabben you’re hat means other fastball, i know jostelen your junk means please leave the room kyle
Maddon11: what does this sign mean /gives sign
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: got to have a membership card to get inside
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: long hair freaky ppl need not apply
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: doh sh:t i forgot that one
Maddon11: well, Joel just tried to pick off the guy at home plate so I suppose you’re our only option, get out there

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeahhhh jawsome theres no way this could possibly go bad for you

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: please cue up selena gomez & the scene: kyle farnsworths about to kick these wizerds in they’re are waverly place
  **Online Host**
Two seconds later
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /throws ball right down the goddamned middle
BrignacPaddywhack: /snags bouncer, throws home for the force
BigLeagueChoo: /parks somewhere between third base and home
BigLeagueChoo: blurrrrrr im sorry coul you gim me direction to go home, i was jus on third an okay byeee
KellyShoppowski: /tags him just to be sure
BigLeagueChoo: /somehow finds a car, crashes it into the Indians dugout
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: cool xactly like i plant it, now to face off against…
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: wate who the fcuk are you
OliveBrant: I’m not really sure, but it’s my turn to bat!
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: ok well being a complete unknown makes u more poplar than anybody else on the indians so here goes
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: so how about you taist the rath (sp) of my dirt pitch!!!!
OliveBrant: /holds wrong end of the bat
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: cammy hammy haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /throws pitch in dirt, loses the game
  **Online Host**
The Cleveland Indians have won the game 5-4. This is their 14th straight win at home.
Maddon11: /gives sign
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: dunno that one
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: lol wait is that the one where your gonna go back in the clubhouse an hang yourself
pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com


TAGSCARLOS SANTANACLEVELAND INDIANSJOE MADDONJOEL PERALTAKYLE FARNSWORTHLET'S GO TRIBESHIN-SOO CHOOTAMPA BAY RAYSTHE DUGOUTTRAVIS HAFNER

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