Tiger Woods has withdrawn from The Players Championship after a terrible nine holes, citing leg injuries. Woods was noticably limping with each hole, using his clubs for support, and shot a whopping 42 on the front nine including a triple bogey. The guy is obviously not at a hundred percent and I believe him, but this is all very similar to my “argh my hand is killing me” excuse when I start throwing gutter-balls at the bowling alley.
Reports say Woods handed his scorecard to PGA champion Martin Kaymer after taking a bogey on the par-5 ninth and walked back to inform Matt Kuchar that he was leaving early for the second straight year (“I’m having a hard time walking,” said Woods), but at the risk of sounding like bad stand-up from the early 90s, I think the conversation was handled by text, and I think it went a little something, uh-like this:
/turns around, waves hands in front of face
Tiger: Hey Sexy I can’t play today. Something came up leg wise
Kuchar: That’s okay I hope everything is fine … would have liked to see you
Tiger: We will make it happen
Kuchar: I drove all the way to ponte vedra beach to award the winner
Tiger: what kind of award your naked body
Tiger: send me a pic
Kuchar: of the golf course?
Kuchar: miss u playin (May 12, 1:38 p.m.)
Tiger: now that’s hot so who is your new boy toy
Kuchar: no new boy toy … are you talking about nick watney
Tiger: I need you
Kuchar: you are terrible at sexting
Tiger: I will wear you out soon
Tiger: you just need some attention from me
Tiger: do you have a boy friend
Of course, the easier joke is that Tiger injured himself performing the rigorous tasks of golf, which include standing, moving your arms, and walking a slight distance. Maybe Tiger’s Achilles tendons are attached to his pride.