Last week we announced (exclusively, I’m going to claim) that somewhat-socialite Kim Kardashian had gotten engaged to New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries, a guy with the same name as her mother. A few days later, we didn’t report that Kim’s fantastic engagement ring looked a heck of a lot like the one she bought a few years ago, when she was trying to convince people that she was getting married to Reggie Bush. Well, now it may shock you to find out that Kim is pregnant, and the story is only available in OK!
Which is weird, because I thought the story would only be available in Not OK. Here’s analysis from E!, and an article titled “So True? So False? Is Kim Kardashian Pregnant?” because E! lets iCarly write all of their headlines.
The shocker was delivered via OK! magazine—which blares on its new Kim-centric cover: “I’m Having a Baby!”—and features quotes from an unnamed “pal” saying, “Kim always thought she’d have at least one or two kids by now, so she’s absolutely in a hurry…Her friends are even taking bets on whether it will be a boy or a girl.”
So is she really having a baby? We’ve spoken to our very own Kardashian insider (someone extemely close to the family, if you catch our drift) and we’re proclaiming the Kim-with-child story to be…
I proclaim this piece to be….
If Kim is really pregnant, good for her, and I know exactly what I’m going to get her for her baby shower. A set of dish rags. Wait, did you think that was the set up for a joke? Dish rags are great, and they come in handy when you need to wipe things up in the kitchen. Also, for a woman with a fake face and a fake ass who stars on a fake TV show about her fake family and lies about literally everything that happens in her life (I don’t have a sex tape, Ray J’s lying!, etc.) and is fake pregnant and fake engaged to a guy who plays for a fake NBA team, dish rags are real, and might send her into an existential psychosis.
Or, you know, she could use them to wipe up in the kitchen.