Worst: Keith Stone
Remember when Robert Wuhl showed up on Nitro as Arliss, and he wasn’t Robert Wuhl, he was supposed to be actually Arliss? That’s the vibe I got when Keith Stone showed up for no reason alongside the Bella Twins, who were also showing up for no reason. What’s next, a run-in from the “we’re GUYS and we’ve got to GET READY” shampoo commercial guy? One of those shitty CGI babies from the Gerber Generation?
The only thing that would’ve made a Keith Stone appearance bearable would’ve been Stone Cold Steve Austin stunning everybody and doing his call for beers thing, and then we zip over to the timekeeper’s table and Keith Stone is there with a case of Keystone tossing them out. We reveal that Keith Stone has always been there, and the reason he gets women despite looking like Bill Paxton in a fake mustache is because he’s been clearing big dollar WWE paychecks for the last 15 years.
Best, I Guess: Bourne? Again?
Evan Bourne wrestled Jack Swagger. The end!
Best: Booker Thinks That’s Actually Obama, Doesn’t He
Back to Reggie the Racist Fake President, I actually laughed out loud when Booker T tried to get his attention by yelling HOMEY, HOMEY over the microphone. He brought Faux-bama back into the ring and listed off a bunch of his accomplishments (I was seriously expecting the WWE universe to boo the “first black man to be President” line), so either Booker thought that was shoot Barack Obama, or he’s like the blind Klansman from “Chapelle’s Show” and just hangs out with Vince McMahon, coming up with ways to say “black folks is stupid” on television. I’m going to go with the less racist sounding one, as soon as I figure out which one sounds less racist.
Worst: The Racist Republican-a-Roonie
Okay, Reggie Brown is a worse American than Sergeant Slaughter. In one week the guy has made Kim Kardashian jokes about Barack Obama’s mom to a room of hooting Republicans and had the black President breakdance to a bored wrestling crowd. I expect him to take off the hair and wipe his face and be Jamie Kennedy. Or Howie Mandel. Or SOMEBODY doing this as a Borat-style rib on America.
But no, it’s just Barack Obama breakdancing. It’s just… Barack Obama breakdancing.