The Very Best: Okeydoked by Little Jimmy
R-Truth is too funny. From now on I’m going to work being “okey-doked” by people into regular conversation. I don’t if that makes me sound like Stymie from Our Gang, I knows it. Truth is so funny, in fact, that his magnificent little heel run is going to get subverted and turned into something awful and Santino-like if he doesn’t tone it down. The only person with as many signs as Zack Ryder in the crowd is Little Jimmy, and being the “hold on!” part of a punchline segment with Christian and the Miz is just going to make it worse.
I think we’re understating some of the nuances of Truth’s character. “Little Jimmy” gets a ton of play, but so should “fo’ shizzle”, and so should the explanation that to be a Little Jimmy you have to want R-Truth to be a “goooood R-Truth”. Also, “you gon get got” has more ways to connect than the goddamn Diamond Cutter. That’s what makes Truth so great right now – he doesn’t seem like a guy who came up with a catchphrase that caught on, or an Alex Riley type who just ended up in the right place at the right time, he seems like a legitimately crazy, dangerous lunatic. He just needs to start hurting people more, and making me laugh a little less.
But just a little.
Worst: Wait, is Christian Lisping On Purpose
Has Christian always lisped like that? I never noticed it before last night, and I’ve been watching him talk for like 15 years. He sounded like Cindy Brady at points, like maybe he forgot his retainer. Is he Lisping Lisa from Josie and the Pussycats? Is Randy Orton going to wipe off his orange ooze and reveal himself as a fat albino?
Best: Sing Along with The Miz
Speaking of guys who could accidentally become good guys, The Miz is like two more Summerslam commercials from halting his downward momentum and becoming the new Rock. Okay, that’s overstating it, Miz is never going to be the Rock. But he could be the next Road Dogg!
Miz’s “really”, followed by the crowd chanting “really”, is the first step. I feel like Miz wants them to keep saying “really” when he pauses, like his personalized version of “what”, because he always asks questions after he does them. He’s like, “Really? [really] Really? [really] Really? [really] You think you should be the number one contender?” And then he pauses, but nobody says “really”. You should be saying “really” right there. It will get the Miz going. It’ll be like people finally chanting SPEAR, SPEAR, SPEAR at Edge when he failed to get them to do it for like two years.
Worst: Teddy Long
As a supporter of the Steiner Brothers, I have a long-standing grudge against Peanuthead Theodore R. Long. I don’t believe he is the good guy they want us to think he is, I think he’s just being a heel for the babyfaces. It’s why special guest referees get to keep causing people like Miz and CM Punk from winning matches. We’ve gone through the looking glass, and now we’re supposed to cheer for the guys who cheat for themselves, and boo the people having others cheat for them. I remember when you hated white people, Teddy Long, it was like 15 years of sustained racism, from Doom to Rodney Mack. I’m on to you. And I really hate the way you say “Randy Orton”.