Best: Jack Swagger and Trish Stratus
Trish Stratus and Jack Swagger have never had a natural sounding conversation on television in their life, but for some reason when they come together they have outstanding chemistry. Jack talks to Booker and he’s all, “WHY DOAN YOU HAVE A WASSLIN MADCH WIF DA ALL AMAWICAN AMAWICAN AMAWICAN AMAWICAN etc.” but when he turns to Trish he’s all, “heh, hey Trish” in that perfect, American frat boy with a crush kind of way. Trish’s matter-of-fact “hello jack swagger” was also great, especially since Trish always sounds like she’s on an infomercial and doesn’t mean anything she’s saying.
I’m not saying you should put them in a romance angle or anything, but Trish and Jack seem to make it work together, and if I was the type who had a Deviant Art page and knew what “shipping” was I would ship them. Of course, my shipping wouldn’t involve Swagger losing badly to a 40-something retired tag team wrestler before being emasculated by an athletic, smiling 12-year old, but I don’t write for Deviant Art OR wrestling, so what do I know.
Best: Punk vs. Mysterio 2 (Hundred)
I have a bad habit of comparing the performance of a current wrestler to the performances of those who came before him, so I think Mason Ryan might be the f**king worst person ever at outside interference. You are the size of a goddamn mobile assault vehicle, you should be able to do more to 3-foot-6 Rey Mysterio than climb up on the apron and stand there Welshing at him. I’ve seen everybody from Christy Hemme to Nicole Bass reach in under the rope and grab a foot, you can’t do that? You cut the sleeves off of your shirt, you should have that mobility.
Anyway, Punk vs. Mysterio was as all right-to-great as you’d expect from them, and these days a 9-minute match on Raw feels like a 60-minute Broadway. People should put away the “TOO MANY 619s!” talking point for Rey, because he seems to have taken it to heart, and (at least against Punk, who is better than most) seems to be trying to work in the stupid “lay across the middle rope like you would never do in a match against anyone else” thing naturally, and only once or twice per match. Punk hit the backdrop earlier in the match, so him going for another one was a great place for Mysterio to escape and dropkick him in the ass. The finish was really fun for this one, if you make sure to look at it from behind Mason Ryan.
Hopefully next week we’ll get Punk Mysterio 3, so Mysterio can get two wins in a row and not look vulnerable ever.
Worst: WWE All Star Night
What’s the best way to sell a three-hour pay-per-view featuring wrestlers from the Raw and Smackdown brands? By having a free, three-hour Raw featuring wrestlers from the Raw and Smackdown brands! Kofi Kingston will be making an appearance, I hear!
WWE All Star Night should involve an appearance from the Ultimate Warrior, a Sheamus vs. Bret Hart match, and five minutes devoted to watching Shawn Michaels try to backflip to the top rope from the middle of the ring.