Major League Baseball in Florida has turned into my family. Its young people are out of control and don’t care about anything, and the only people with any hope of paying attention to them or teaching them anything are 80 years old and from a repressive old school and are about to die. Enter: 80-year old “Trader” Jack McKeon, the second oldest manager in the history of baseball behind Connie Mack. He’s turning the Marlins around with his unique brand of smoking and “not liking the way they run”.

Of course, “being old” is the second easiest way to be the topic of a Dugout. The first is to beat up your girlfriend or wife! Today’s Dugout follows.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Florida Marlins Chatroom.
	fLORIdA: /furiously stuffs bread into a hollowed out hotdog
	IfIManagedEdwin: Mr. Loria, excuse me, are you… are you busy
	fLORIdA: f**k me i really thought this would work
	fLORIdA: what
	IfIManagedEdwin: I just wanted to stop in and let you know I was resigning. So, bye.
	fLORIdA: resigning? resigning from what? did you finish the yard
	IfIManagedEdwin: resigning from managing the Florida Marlins, Newman, what the hell do you think I’m talking about?
	fLORIdA: but you were doing such an awesome job!
	IfIManagedEdwin: we’re in last place and I just lost nine straight games.
	fLORIdA: i know! that’s so awesome! we freaky friday’d the twins!
	IfIManagedEdwin: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
	fLORIdA: freaky friday’d them. vice versa’d them. like father like son’d them. ugh, is there a mexican version of freaky fridaying somebody /googles "freaky mexican friday"
	fLORIdA: we ponte en mi lugar’d the minnesota twins
	IfIManagedEdwin: Well, regardless, I quit. I’m a competitor, and I can’t be a competitor with this group of jerks in A.J. Feeley Stadium
	fLORIdA: welp, have fun “competing” with the crackmongers and design majors in the unemployment line you
	Online Host IfIManagedEdwin has left the chatroom.
	fLORIdA: wait i didn’t finish, i was gonna call you a … FINE! WHO NEEDS YOU. ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM. I CAN HAVE JEFF TORBORG MANAGING THIS TEAM IN 15 MINUTES
	fLORIdA: ugh i don’t want to do that, hold on
	fLORIdA: YEAH ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM /picks up bread shards /tries to mash them back into the shape of a bun /finds out his hands are too fat /gives up
	fLORIdA: YEAH MAN ANYBODY CAN… wait a minute, my Poo-pah! MY POO-PAH WILL MANAGE THE TEAM!
	fLORIdA: Poo-pah!
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: enhhh
	fLORIdA: poo-pah can you manage the /googles "florida baseball team" florida marlins until i can find another hispanic guy to do it for five dollars an hour
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: whasit
	fLORIdA: that’s great! okay, gotta run, catch you on the flip side poo-pah /runs across room, crashes through window
	Online Host fLORIdA has left the chatroom.
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: jeffrey
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /stands around
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /starts messing with his gums, for some reason
	Online Host NoLomo has entered the chatroom.
	NoLomo: whooshhhhhhh @poopah yo whats up Lol https://bit.ly/lrDqd0 #coolentrances #windsoundz
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: who’s there
	NoLomo: @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth Haha nm havin a borin conversation w/ poopah
	NoLomo: @poopah you ok #worriedfortheelderly #ripryandunn
	NoLomo: @fLORIdA what
	NoLomo: @HanleyDown ok will be hear whenever u arrive https://aol.it/lMjKEU #talking #sentences
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: is someone speaking
	NoLomo: @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth Rofl. no that’s boobah poopah is different. Lol.
	NoLomo: @poopah talking to u right now haha
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: can somebody find my medicine
	NoLomo: only the prof RT @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: poopah are those the discolord fur monks whom terrify stone with fartish screams
	NoLomo: @fLORIdA no i wont steal poopahs wallet wtf smdh #toughplayininajfeeleystadium
	LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /buries sadness in hands weathered by pain
	NoLomo: /tweets Jose Canseco as a joke

The Dugout: Old Man and The Sea

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com