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The Dugout: Old Man and The Sea

By / 06.22.11

Major League Baseball in Florida has turned into my family. Its young people are out of control and don’t care about anything, and the only people with any hope of paying attention to them or teaching them anything are 80 years old and from a repressive old school and are about to die. Enter: 80-year old “Trader” Jack McKeon, the second oldest manager in the history of baseball behind Connie Mack. He’s turning the Marlins around with his unique brand of smoking and “not liking the way they run”.

Of course, “being old” is the second easiest way to be the topic of a Dugout. The first is to beat up your girlfriend or wife! Today’s Dugout follows.



The Dugout

  **Online Host**
Welcome to the Florida Marlins Chatroom.
fLORIdA: /furiously stuffs bread into a hollowed out hotdog
IfIManagedEdwin: Mr. Loria, excuse me, are you… are you busy
fLORIdA: f**k me i really thought this would work

fLORIdA: what

IfIManagedEdwin: I just wanted to stop in and let you know I was resigning. So, bye.
fLORIdA: resigning? resigning from what? did you finish the yard
IfIManagedEdwin: resigning from managing the Florida Marlins, Newman, what the hell do you think I’m talking about?
fLORIdA: but you were doing such an awesome job!
IfIManagedEdwin: we’re in last place and I just lost nine straight games.
fLORIdA: i know! that’s so awesome! we freaky friday’d the twins!
IfIManagedEdwin: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

fLORIdA: freaky friday’d them. vice versa’d them. like father like son’d them. ugh, is there a mexican version of freaky fridaying somebody

/googles "freaky mexican friday"

fLORIdA: we ponte en mi lugar’d the minnesota twins
IfIManagedEdwin: Well, regardless, I quit. I’m a competitor, and I can’t be a competitor with this group of jerks in A.J. Feeley Stadium
fLORIdA: welp, have fun “competing” with the crackmongers and design majors in the unemployment line you
  **Online Host**
IfIManagedEdwin has left the chatroom.
fLORIdA: wait i didn’t finish, i was gonna call you a … FINE! WHO NEEDS YOU. ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM. I CAN HAVE JEFF TORBORG MANAGING THIS TEAM IN 15 MINUTES
fLORIdA: ugh i don’t want to do that, hold on

fLORIdA: YEAH ANYBODY CAN MANAGE THIS TEAM /picks up bread shards

/tries to mash them back into the shape of a bun
/finds out his hands are too fat
/gives up

fLORIdA: YEAH MAN ANYBODY CAN… wait a minute, my Poo-pah! MY POO-PAH WILL MANAGE THE TEAM!
fLORIdA: Poo-pah!
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: enhhh

fLORIdA: poo-pah can you manage the /googles "florida baseball team"

florida marlins until i can find another hispanic guy to do it for five dollars an hour

LeftMcKeonTheDoor: whasit
fLORIdA: that’s great! okay, gotta run, catch you on the flip side poo-pah /runs across room, crashes through window
  **Online Host**
fLORIdA has left the chatroom.
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: jeffrey
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /stands around
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /starts messing with his gums, for some reason
  **Online Host**
NoLomo has entered the chatroom.
NoLomo: whooshhhhhhh @poopah yo whats up Lol http://bit.ly/lrDqd0 #coolentrances #windsoundz
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: who’s there
NoLomo: @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth Haha nm havin a borin conversation w/ poopah
NoLomo: @poopah you ok #worriedfortheelderly #ripryandunn
NoLomo: @fLORIdA what
NoLomo: @HanleyDown ok will be hear whenever u arrive http://aol.it/lMjKEU #talking #sentences
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: is someone speaking
NoLomo: @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth Rofl. no that’s boobah poopah is different. Lol.
NoLomo: @poopah talking to u right now haha
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: can somebody find my medicine
NoLomo: only the prof RT @pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: poopah are those the discolord fur monks whom terrify stone with fartish screams
NoLomo: @fLORIdA no i wont steal poopahs wallet wtf smdh #toughplayininajfeeleystadium
LeftMcKeonTheDoor: /buries sadness in hands weathered by pain
NoLomo: /tweets Jose Canseco as a joke
Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com


TOPICS#Twitter
TAGSBaseballFLORIDA MARLINSJACK MCKEONJEFFREY LORIALOGAN MORRISONMLBOLD PEOPLETHE DUGOUT

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