While the NFL owners and players may or may not be nearing a deal that could give the players a 48% cut of total revenue, it’s good to know that some football fans still have the opportunity to spend their money wisely. For instance, did you know that you can purchase your very own bronze statue of former Florida Gators and current Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow?
Roll back the foreskin and check out this awesome deal – for just $12,000 you can purchase a 15-inch high bronze statue (the mold seen above) of Tebow in his glory days at Florida or as a promising young stallion with the Denver Broncos. The statue is the work of artist Franco Castelluccio, who hails from Winter Springs, Florida, which may be the most beautiful city on the face of this Earth. Hold on, I’m receiving a message on my ham radio… no, Winter Springs is not beautiful.
Regardless, Castelluccio’s latest work allows you the chance to pay $800 per inch to forever enjoy Tebow’s storied career. Worried about raising that kind of coin? Don’t. If that $12K price tag is too rich for your blood, he also offers a non-bronzed version. But come on, cheapskate, live a little. It’s Tebow. One look at this statue and your child will circumcise himself.
And even if Tebow’s not your preferred lawn ornament, Castelluccio has other sports options available.
What better way to share with the world your love of the most popular sport outside of America than by owning your very own 44-inch bronze statue of a World Cup soccer player? Instead of displaying your excitement just once every four years, you can now tell your neighbors that you love soccer 24/7. Even better, once a day let your kids perch themselves atop the ball and sound their vuvuzelas into the sky. And do it as early as possible – like 3 a.m. – so there are little to no other noise interruptions.
A true must-own for any resident of Central Florida for the next 12 months, this 42-inch high statue of Dwight Howard tells people that you are a fan of the Orlando Magic and the NBA’s biggest superstar. Note: this statue can also eventually tell people that you are a fan of the Los Angeles Lakers, New York Knicks, Miami Heat, Atlanta Hawks, Chicago Bulls, Boston Celtics, Dallas Mavericks, San Antonio Spurs, New Jersey Nets, Los Angeles Clippers, Golden State Warriors, Oklahoma City Thunder, Detroit Pistons, Denver Nuggets, or Phoenix Suns. Basically, don’t buy this statue if you’re a Sacramento Kings fan. Let’s be real – or a Magic fan.
Now here is a truly inspirational piece. This statue of former New York Giants wide receiver David Tyree’s legendary catch in the Super Bowl against the New England Patriots is the ultimate collection piece for any football fan. Tyree, of course, has had a remarkable career, amassing more than 600 receiving yards in 7 magnificent seasons. And even though he is now retired because no teams give a rat’s ass about him, Tyree’s legacy can live forever in your front yard or rotunda in 7/8 life-sized bronze glory. But if you’re not convinced, let’s take a closer look at this masterpiece…
Marvel in the painstaking detail of Tyree’s facial expression. It’s like you can actually hear him screaming, “Gross dude, stop touching me, homo!” Yes, this is truly the most incredible way to eternally honor the man who said he would trade this very catch and the Giants’ Super Bowl victory to make sure that gay marriage is never allowed. Now fire up that PayPal account and make sure that you can celebrate this hero today.
- Geek & Sci-Fi