Last year I spent the 4th of July sitting on a blanket on a hillside in the shadow of the Iwo Jima memorial, watching fireworks explode over D.C. This year I’m in Texas, and drought conditions means all local fireworks have been canceled. I feel it is my constitutional right to watch things explode, and will not post another word until this happens.
House of Punte Podcast - If you’re too tired to read, click over and listen to my second ever podcast appearance, wherein I talk to Punte about CM Punk, Our Gang, and how much better I am than Larry Brown of Larry Brown Sports. Just kidding on that last one, I’m terrible. And I didn’t talk enough about Our Gang. [House of Punte]
MLB Records at the Halfway Point, and What They Say About Your Team’s Playoff Chances - I’m going to keep doing what I’ve been doing since two months before the season began and call the Indians the “win-dians” and declare them World Series (and possibly Super Bowl) champs. It’s working so far. [SBN]
The Dugout: Frankruptcy! - If you left the office early on Friday you might’ve missed this Dugout, which is about the Frank McCourt thing but also barely about Frank McCourt. It helps if you know Spanish, and are easily outraged by Spanish language inaccuracies. Also, jokes about Fry Guys. [The Dugout]
Nike Re-Signs Michael Vick - A commenter on my post about Vick winning a BET award said I was misinformed, or “at worst a supporter of heinous crimes” for thinking violence against animals other than dogs was important. Nike has cut out the middle-man and given Vick the equivalent of about 2 billion BET awards. Go troll them instead! [Smoking Section]
Starz Cancels Eva Green’s Boobs - Eva Green should have Paz de la Huerta’s job. Also, here’s my pitch for a new show on Starz (or Showtime or HBO): it’s about America in the time of Eli Whitney, and chronicles the creation of the cotton gin, but also involves mythological monsters and tons of assf**king and stars the most Hispanic women I can find. [Warming Glow]
Jay Pharoah Does the Best (Insert Black Celebrity Here) - I want to be friends with Jay Pharoah just to make him do entire episodes of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for me at parties. You know he can mimic literally anybody on that show, even Ashley. JUST MINE YA BIDNESS, JUST MINE YA BIDNESS etc. [Uproxx]
Review: Transformers Dark Side of the Moon - Here’s my review: I paid to see the first one out of nostalgia and got 2 1/2 hours of crap and like 40 seconds of awesome Starscream. I paid to see the second one based on that, and got robot balls and racist jokes that were probably also about balls. For me twice, won’t get fooled again. [Film Drunk]
Want to Play a New Zelda Game? On Your PC? - I would like to play any Zelda game that comes out within a year of its announcement and doesn’t get pushed back forty times. I still haven’t forgiven them for Twilight Princess. [Gamma Squad]
I want more like this!
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