The Best and Worst of WWE Money in the Bank 2011

By: 07.18.11

Best: Second City Saints in WWE

Colt Cabana’s great, but come on, Crazy Ace on WWE pay-per-view in 2011. All we needed was for him to show up out of nowhere and brain Cena with an aluminum garbage can.

And was that Shaggy 2 Dope in the crowd, or just a juggalo? Is there a difference? I think one doesn’t know how magnets work, and the other one pretends to not know to get money from the first people.

Best: Defining Moments

In last week’s Raw report I mentioned how Vince McMahon telling a crowd of chanting people that he didn’t give a damn what they wanted as a defining moment of our generation, and I think Punk and Cena got theirs last night. Punk’s is obvious. He won the WWE Championship against the top dog in his hometown in front of his mom and friends and a rabid crowd as the major part of the best angle in years.

I think Cena’s came when he broke his own submission move and slid out of the ring to level John Laurinaitis. He was being the dynastic super hero, standing up for a company that doesn’t think he’s as good as Hogan or Rocky, losing because of it. He’s a guy battling abandonment issues, just look at his promos against Rock. He’s here, and he just wants you to salute with him and love him, because God, he’s killing himself for you. But you don’t care. Neither does Vince, and neither does that jerk running to ring the bell. Nobody cares, and in ten years when Cena is telling those little kids to stick it and getting trash thrown at him it’s going to be awesome. BECAUSE THEY WILL DESERVE IT.

Best: Being a Wrestling Fan

I don’t know when this feeling will come again. Buck O’Neil liked to describe the sound of Josh Gibson’s bat connecting with a ball as the feeling of baseball. He didn’t hear it again until Bo Jackson, decades later. But he never stopped listening. Every time he saw Sid Bream swing a bat he’d listen for the sound, just in case. He couldn’t describe it, he just knew it.

This is the sound of the bat for me.

And for you, I hope. If you’re a wrestling fan, you put up with a lot of crap. You watch Shane McMahon get a battery hooked up to his balls, or you watch Vince McMahon tell Trish Stratus to bark like a dog, or you live through David Arquette title runs and suffer through John Zandig cussing in the parking lot, for moments like this. It makes this sh*t worthwhile. It’s worth it. It makes me so goddamn happy to be a wrestling fan that watching the torrent this morning I started tearing up at the main event, not because of what was happening, but because of the sound of an arena full of people screaming and chanting and loving it as much as me. Goosebumps, but on the inside. That’s weird. How do you explain that?

I can’t, maybe, but the next time it comes around, I’ll try again.

Thanks, WWE, for this. At least.

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