Worst: It Looks Like I Might Not Enjoy This Triple H Thing
I need to disconnect this from your expectations. On the Progressive Boink forums, my friend Justin wrote:
i f**king hate hhh. hey b i am the smarkiest smark. this is terrible. JIM ROSS IS BACK and i hate this “oh haha just jokes guy” hhh so much.
This doesn’t make you the smarkiest smark, the Triple H character is the f**king worst. We didn’t use any asterisks, but I think it’s an important thing to think about. Disassociate Triple H from everything you know about him. Forget the backstage politics, forget who he’s married to, forget who he’s held down under the glass ceiling in his Taj Mahal of glass and just think about him as a character. He’s the strongest and toughest, but he’s also the funniest and coolest. I want to describe him as the original dog from Hell, or at least as some sort of anthropomorphic animated beast on a skateboard (Mondo Gecko, maybe), but I can’t. He out Mondo Geckos Mondo Gecko.
hhh is the guy who thinks of something funny to say afterward and then when he tells his friends the story he plays it like he said the cool hilarious thing during the altercation.
he’s the tucker max of wrestling.
Watching him immediately respond to everything R-Truth said with a BIGGER joke and a BIGGER SMILEY FACE made my heart sink a little. This isn’t going to get any better. Vince McMahon was always about the power strut and the YOU’RE FIRED and the YOU RUNED IT DAMMIT but at the end of the day he let Austin throw him off a cage and he let DX push his face into The Big Show’s ass and he let CM Punk treat him like garbage on television. As much as I don’t want to be that guy, I can’t see anything but H throwing R-Truth off a cage, H pushing Mark Henry’s face into The Big Show’s ass and treating CM Punk like garbage on television. As of now I’m going to phrase a simple “I might not enjoy where this goes”.
Biggest Worst Fathomable: 20 Minutes of HHH Lead to 2 of John Morrison
I don’t want to talk about it. He just makes everything seem so … weird.
Worst: Wrestling Concerts
Most of my feedback for The Best and Worst of Raw is positive (thanks, I really do appreciate your comments, even if they’re “john cena gay”), but one of the major negative reactions I’ve gotten was suggesting Cee Lo Green’s “Bright Lights Bigger City” was a bad theme for SummerSlam. Well, good song or not, Cee Lo will be performing the song live at the pay-per-view, and if you can find me one instance of a musical act making the show better and not tons and tons worse, I’d like to hear it. KISS on Nitro gave us The Demon. Kid Rock gave us 15 wasted minutes of Wrestlemania and that one funny moment where he thinks we’re all going to say “NOW GET IN THE PIT AND TRY TO LOVE SOMEONE” but we hate him so we say nothing. Even Mötley Crüe’s performance on Sunday Night Heat gave us ten years of Test.
Best case scenario: Cee Lo performs the song, Hornswoggle shows up in a fur coat and sunglasses as a joke because they’re both short and weird looking.
Worst case scenario: Cee Lo performs the song, Hornswoggle shows up in a fur coat and sunglasses and Eve stands just to the left and does that terrible coochie-popping thing while it happens.
Best: Good Old “Jim Ross”
Jim Ross being back is a good thing, and it’s nice to have an announcer doing what the WWE wants (getting over the idea of the match rather than “calling the match”) but still being entertaining about it instead of just devolving into GAIL KIM’S A NERD BASTARD, KING. I still prefer my dorky fat friend version of Jim Ross from early-90s WCW, but prerecorded Smackdown vs. Raw Jim Ross snippets played from a tape recorder housed within the head of a Jim Ross scarecrow would be better than Michael Cole.
And uh, speaking of Michael Cole